Getting excited for life!

Well, the title pretty much says it all. Exciting things happening in our future:

1. Jonathon is GRADUATING from BYU on academic scholarship

2. Nancy is running her first MARATHON

3. Moving to Washington!

4. Nancy is taking a dental restorative class to learn how to do fillings

-I can't wait to be in school again! Oh how I've longed to LEARN again!!

5. Getting to put in my two weeks notice at gay dental offices

6. HUCK CAMP family reunion

7. Getting to decorate our own little home again FINALLY

-getting to have a place bigger than just ONE ROOM in my mom's basement

8. Jonathon getting his first "big boy" job (and paycheck!)

9. Getting to play with my new nephew!

10. Possible vacations??

11. Buying Nancy her first pair of nice jeans- ever.

12. Thinking of the FUTURE future and that it gets to come up sooner than later in our future... buying our first home, having our first baby, having our own separate cars, etc etc. I guess that is the next phase of life- and it's gonna be so fun!

Sighhh. Can you see why I daydream so often? So excited for LIFE.

Jonno's opinions on the marriage topic

This is in regards to my ever so controversial post on facebook regarding the marriage dilemma.

President Monsons comments are spot on, but the applicability is somewhat limited to the 20 somethings. There are men in that age group who forgo opportunities because they are just having too much fun, or one of the other reasons he stated. In that age group, there are tons of opportunities, and plenty of willingness from the female gender. Even a considerable amount of eagerness from women who are approaching their mid-late 20s. So for the 20 something crowd, I believe the comments by the prophet are accurate and applicable.

Come mid 30s to mid 40s . . . not as applicable. It is no longer as easy as one may believe and if you have not experienced it yourself, you only think you know the answer, but I'd imagine that until you experience it you will never know exactly what it is like.

Women:

Many women have fallen into a trap of only complaining that they are not married, but taking no responsibility for it. The most common pitfalls I have seen are:

-Unrealistic expectations of a prospective spouses financial, spiritual, and physical eligibility (ie Gates money, Brad Pitt looks, and Spencer Kimballs spirituality).

-Unrealistic self perceptions. .to both extremes. Some believe they are far more eligible than they actually are, others believe they are not good enough for anyone to love, so the pre-empt the rejection by rejecting themselves.

-Make their lives so busy that they do not have time to date . . this includes church callings, extended education, family commitments every single weekend, GNO every weekend.

-Limiting factors Setting age limits on dating. It is one thing for a 25yr old woman to say she wont date a 40yr old. Its a whole different thing when a 39yr old wont date a 40yr old (and that happens a lot).

-Girl Groups that sabotage each other so they wont lose another single girlfriend from their group.

-Inability to disassociate previous baggage from current reality. They hold onto bad experiences from the past, and are convinced that all future experiences will be the same. (physical abuse, porn addictions, WOW problems, fidelity issues).

-A belief that ALL men are unworthy

-They have let themselves go to the point where they are not physically attractive, and their personalities are not attractive either.

-Princess complex everything is the mans responsibility, the women has to do nothing , and that includes returning a phone call, accepting a date, or even holding up their end of the conversation.

Men:

Many men have fallen into a trap of only complaining that they are not married, but taking no responsibility for it. The most common pitfalls I have seen are:

-Barbie complex . . Believing that there is a supermodel dying to get into bed with them, so they wont settle for anything less.

-Unrealistic self perceptions. .to both extremes. Some believe they are far more eligible than they actually are, others believe they are not good enough for anyone to love, so the pre-empt the rejection by rejecting themselves.

-Having too much fun hanging with the guys

-Limiting factors Setting age limits on dating. There are 50 year old guys who wont date over 35 because they want kids some day.
-Lost self confidence due to high percentages of rejection. In a straw poll amongst single men over 31 who attend the single adult wards/branches . . for every 10 girls they ask out, on average only 1.5 attempts are resulting in a date. Thats only a 15% success factor! And less than half those accept a second date. In fact, most women wont even bother to answer the phone or return the phone call when a guy calls, yet these same women complain to their bishops that they never get asked out.

Church:

There is another factor impacting dating and marriage amongst the LDS population, that I do not believe receives proper consideration. Somewhere along the way in an attempt to empower women to find self confidence in being a women . . . church messages have evolved to sending the message that women are completely flawless, and men are the source of all evil in the world. Very rarely is there a message from the pulpit praising men, and even more rare are messages from the pulpit telling women to get their act together.

A good example of this is the Porn issue. Have you ever heard a talk to the women about pornography? Yet I know several active LDS women who have told me directly they are addicted to porn, and its the hard core video stuff they are watching online . . . not just nudie pictures. Somehow they find a way to blame men for their own porn addiction, yet these same women have very harsh statements about men who are addicted to porn.

Another example, amongst the single adults who claim activity in the church . . . I know more women with word of wisdom and chastity issues, than men. Yet . . . most talks on these topics are directed towards men.

How often do we hear about gender attraction issues amongst women in the church? I know about an equal number of lesbian women as gay men in the single adult population . . . yet . . . we only hear about the gay men.

I have heard local leaders call single men stupid, lazy, too picky and other negative comments, while in the same conversation praise the virtue and discernment of attractive women who refuse to date.

Media:

Yes, I blame media for part of the problem. How many solid male role models do we see on TV? Most family men are portrayed as idiots, and most single men are portrayed as rebels. Its the male version of what we accuse the media doing with regards to developing unrealistic expectations of women. This only re-enforces pre-conceived notions amongst both men and women about eligibility.

Conclusions:

I could go on and on . . but I really dont feel like it. So in conclusion:

-Within the church, the 20 something crowd is very different than the 30 something and 40 something crowd. To believe the issues are identical is a misplaced belief.

-To presume that men are entirely to blame regarding the marriage issue is a falsely placed belief. Both genders carry an equal portion of the blame.

-Men still have the responsibility to do the asking, but women have the responsibility to accept dates, and do so with a mind open enough to consider their date as a long term possibility.

-All men should buy a luxury sports car and drive it to church. That has gotten me more dates from women in the church than anything else. Single women who would not even say hello to me one day, suddenly were approaching me and flirting with me the next. Oh and get ripped and learn to play the guitar.

That is all.